29.4.2012

Its cold. Blanket beckons, but no.
The drizzle makes the sweetest music as it descends down gently, washing down the trees near to my window pane.

You're all by yourself, ensconced in the comforting bubble made of your own thoughts, without a care to the world. You try to read, but every other sentence only drifts off your thought radar randomly. Somewhere in the background, at a very low volume, Mehdi Hassan croons. All that is missing from the scene is a cup of steaming black tea with some drops of lemon and extra sugar (or someone who would make it for you? ;) )

Peace.

01.02.2012 1984

The last time I read 1984, I was way too young and in the Enid Blyton stage of my evolution as a reader. Fine if you think it categorizes itself under a fetal stage. Interestingly, I remember being blown away by the book even then. I dont remember how I tried to comprehend the ideas so grown up that this book put forth, say for a simple example as to how the young me perceived even the idea of a totalitarian state at a point of time when I had not much of an idea as to what even a state was. Arguably (or not, perhaps), I still doesnt have much of an idea, but thats another thread.

It is only inevitable that I pick it up again now. There are reasons why some books are re-read. They make sense in totally new and unexpected ways and let one discover much more dimensions and meanings in them. And for me, the more I grew up the more cynical and wary of the world I have become, so it should really help in my re-read experience of this book. Why? Read. And you'll know. If you dont get it even after that I have already did you a favor by asking you to read it. You're welcome.

Here, Page 70. This he says about the Proles.

And even when they become discontented, as they sometimes did, their discontent led nowhere, because, being without general ideas, they could only focus it on petty specific grievances. The larger evils invariably escaped their notice.

I mean, really, think of my community and the cancerous factionalism. While there lies unattended a number of questions and problems that concern Muslims as a whole, people here still fight over the number of raka'aths in a taraveeh prayer. Pathetic.

Not a very good correlation made, I understand, but this is Spartaa, and I will postaa whatever I feel like.

01.01.2012

There is apparently no way to fathom the depth. How would you know if you're falling when you're blindfolded and all you can feel is a motion through the water, you ask me.
All conjecture, but I get hit from below as I move on, so I hazard a guess.
Not that this piece of information helps anyways.

I am numbed, but at times there are bouts of escape tendency. Very human. And I flap my legs desperately. And I only fall faster.

There's pain. There's always pain. There are new wounds. Pain remains.
I could have been moving for a day, I could swear. Or an year. Or eternity.

Now my feet finally lands somewhere mushy. By pure instinct, I walk forward.
I hit a wall.
No, its a door.

Opening it. There could be light, love and freedom.
Or...

#2012.
Happy New.. well, whatever.

08.10.2011

Birthday got me thinking.
Sometime, at some point, or may be intermittently, or probably more frequently than that, I would be faced with the question posed - in all probability by my demeaning alter-self (Honestly, no reason as to why someone else should be bothered enough. Its a selfish world.) I'd rather be prepared to miss being hit by the enormity of the question - no, that of the answer, rather.

"Any regrets so far?"

"Yes.
I never figured out what I love doing."

There.
I said it.
(To say no will have to imply that cliched line of claiming to have lived life on one's own terms, which I dont intend doing anyways.)

So, it must be the truth, I guess, since it felt sour, and more importantly, with that explanation as the basis, everything else falls into place, perfectly. As much as I hate it for baring my haplessness so cruelly, I must admit - everything fits perfectly in with that.

So, my advice to the three year old kid who's reading this blog:
Listen, this is Wisdom acquired over 24 years.
Let your quest begin.
When you have figured out something you love doing, hold on to it - by all means.
Its going to be your reason to continue.