Excerpts

Dec 27th

The point is, I made it to here, finally. Still had that fear that they would look my name in their list and claim that I had got some fake mails and I wasn’t actually called to join today – you know, that sort of a thing. But I did see my name in the list, and they let me in.

Parting isn’t sure as hell an easy process.

I tried my best not to make it too filmy. Just the customary hugs to everyone, and a peck on the cheek to a sleeping Minha.

Goodbye home,

And to all the comforts that came along with it.

I flew off the nest for the first time in my life.

I envied Dad today too – because he was taking Letting Go way cooler than I was dealing with Flying Off.

Dec 29^th

No matter how much you’ve heard of it before, how many pictures you have seen, you cant help being sort of bowled over by the sprawling campus.

Everything is so, huge, so stunning, so as to humble us?

I saw some guys washing the road near GEC2 today. Who’d wash a road?

Induction still going on…

Some random woman came over to the stage at some point, and started to explain the Anti-Sexual Harassment Policy that they follow here. Prashant nudged me to wake up from the deep slumber – “this might be interesting”. I prepared myself to hear some feminist bullshit (Like warning all those with a Y chromosome – who are always the perpetuators, you know- not to try anything etc.) But it was interesting. I mean, she almost as well as said that girls are not allowed to rape boys as well – or something to that effect. Whatever.

Some guys sitting behind me groaned.

Dec 31^st

Multi called at about 11:30 and told me to come to Oasis. One hell of a party was going on. New Year Eve.

Everything was so WILD.

I slumped on to my bed, tired, a couple of hours (or more?) later.

Jan 9^th

Its been more than a week that I’ve been here, but still I get up most of the days, bewildered as to where the hell have I woke up and mumble “Where the..?”. Trust me it takes more than 30 seconds for my system to boot up. Why the hell do I have an acclimatization problem too, on top of everything?

And oh yes, I do miss home. In great magnitude, sometimes.

Jan 12^th

You can’t help yourself to be not in awe of this man, NRN. No cynicism intended. (Things have come to such a state that I have to reassure myself after every sentence that I wasn’t being sardonic). True, the other founder members are nothing short of great leaders and visionaries, but this man is, incredible.

What hits me about the fact that a person, who wanted to be a politician, and a communist at that, and whose ultimate aim was to open an orphanage, ended up building one of the biggest corporate giants India has ever seen, is more than the irony of it. It’s adding to my increasing disbelief in the whole “Living Your Dream” deal that’s been fed into me, and for that matter, to most of the people. I mean, the whole deal of having a dream, a goal, and striving for it, etc. It’s all coming down to simple terms like Luck and Destiny. (Come to think of it, what difference does that make to me? I didn’t have a specific dream, to start with, Thank God.) Hmm, this is a good thread. Should write upon it someday in the blog. Insha Allah.

Procrastinate NOW!

Jan 16^th

Still yet to figure out an effective way to deal with those college memories. It doesn’t help at all, I tell you. Because you tend to make comparisons with the present scenario, in many aspects – bunking, friendships, class, everything. Or I should try some more effective ways to reinforce into my own mind that I’m in a corporate (underline that) environment now-(Whatever that implies). Move on!!

Jan 22^nd

Oh God, my room stinks.

I do change the damn socks everyday, but what can I do if the shoe itself stinks?

Damn.

Interestingly I had got so used to the badboo I didn’t notice this. Until today when Kunal stepped into my room, cupped his nose, ran out screaming, “Kamse kam khidki tho kholdo saale….”

Jan 23^rd

I came across this fun fact today.

I do a lot of compromises to satisfy or, rather say, please others. Why?, I ask myself.

Is that the reason that I feel so spineless at times and that I’m accused of that lack of individuality by those who know me best?

True, you become very flexible, but is it worth sacrificing one’s own individuality for?

Need to think about it, some other time.

Procrastinate NOW!!

Jan 24^th

Sunday.

Prashant had called me up when he was going to GEC. I hadn’t got control of my senses when he called.

I pulled myself out of bed, decided that I’ll have lunch, okay brunch or whatever fancy names you call it, at FC1.

There were some chairs at the table where a young girl, in her school uniform with braided hair and all, and her even younger brother (in all probability) were struggling with a Domino’s pizza. I quietly sit down opposite to them. She looks at me, shifts uneasily in her seat, and looks long to some counter at the end near the Coffee Day outlet. I follow her gaze and find a woman, her mother I guess. The pizza has got the undivided attention of her younger brother.

Okay, don’t worry kid. I smiled as genially as I could to the girl, a smile that meant to convey the fact “I’m no man-eater”.

I try to strike up conversation.

She is quite reluctant at first, but then answers my seemingly phony questions.

“So, is your brother/sister undergoing training here?”

“Sorry?”

“I mean, have you come to visit your brother/sister here?”

“No”

“So, why are you here?”

She smiled, and told me, “I came to attend the exam”.

“ ?? ”

“I came to attend the ‘Catch Them Young’ Exam. Don’t you know?”

…

??!!

No kiddo, I didn’t know of any Catch You Young exam.

Catch Them Young?

Pity.

Jan 26^th

I ponder a lot these days – not always just about myself, many other stuff too.

I assert ‘not always about myself’ because I do feel my thoughts have become so, what to say, me-centric. Checking some of my previous entries in here, I see I’ve almost dropped using the first person ‘I’ in my sentences. As if it is understood that I’ll be talking about myself only. Another adjective in the offing – self-centric. Bravo, Ramz.

Okay lets talk something sensible. All I can say with at least some level of conviction is that my perspective(s) have undergone some change(s). They’ve got, if I can say so, somewhat broader.

Is that a part of the transition too?

Jan 29^th

I’m an ungrateful pig.

All I do is grumble - All the time.

Even if I got into some government job – the ultimate engineer fantasy -, I’m sure I would complain it of being lackluster and would crave for some ‘action’. I guess I’m suffering from something like the Chronic Dissatisfaction that Marie Elena accuses of Cristina in Vicky Cristina Barcelona.Besides, which profession is known to give one full satisfaction? Happiness and satisfaction are the states of mind you create for yourselves, dumbo. When will I learn to be content with what I have? How many times do I have to tell myself is that its about liking what you do, and not the other way round? That is, doing what you like?

Doing what I like.

What do I like? What is my true calling, if at all there exist a thing as such?

I don’t know, to be honest.

Funny how things always work out in a way that we figure out what we didn’t want and pray, “God, this wasn’t what I ordered” rather than figuring out what we want in the first place.

(Did I generalize that? Cut the we’s, put I’s.)

Was all this tirade some perverted attempt at consoling myself?

I’m confused. Frustrated.

Jan 30^th

Take Prashant for instance. We practically didn’t even know of each others’ existence in college. And I never thought we’d become pals over here as well.

His demeanor is something that would be easily mistaken as somewhat conceited, he himself says. And he has a way with the fairer sex, I should say. (Though our tastes in this matter are literally at opposite poles. Agree to disagree on most cases J)

But there were many aspects that are different as well. Like, if I said I wanted to leave 5 minutes early, he’d get the hint that I felt like walking alone today. No issues about it.

No offense meant, none taken. Yeah, it may sound silly, but at college and all, the case was different. And there is no need to make a conversation for conversation’s sake, that sort of thing.

I sometimes wonder if that’s the advent of the so-called professionalism even into friendships. Damn!

Feb 2^nd

NUMBed.

Feb 10^th

“Expecting life to be fair to you because you played fair is like the deer thinking it should be spared from the lion because it’s a vegetarian. Think about it”

- Junk Mail.

Feb 17^th

Don’t want to talk about what happened. Really don’t want to even think about all those.

I wish I could be done away with the whole thing with the line “Everything happens for the better”. It does, in a way, I do admit, but it sounds so corny at the moment to me.

On the whole, I am thankful to God, my faith and Dad for making me feel like I remained, for the major part, unscathed in the whole issue.

DAMN IT, still.

I went for a walk and a coffee at midnight. It worked. Fresh air can do wonders for you.

I returned to my hostel block, was about to go to my room, when Sameer called out to me from the Smoking Zone. There was one whole gang there. Sameer, Sandesh, Amol, Pranav, Deep, Vivek, Anirban and some others too, most of them slightly boozed.

Sameer was holding a guitar and strumming some random notes. We all sat down there, he was about to play something serious for us when the security came running, and told us “if we were so particular”, we could do this in the basement.

Off we went to the basement, and he started playing. And boy, he did well too. Give Me Some Sunshine, Roobaroo, Last Kiss, etc etc.. it went on like that.

We sang too. I sang my heart out, actually. J

And in the midst this guy Vivek took out his mouth organ and started playing.

Oh boy oh boy. Beautiful.

“Kishoreda’s songs sounds very beautiful on this instrument”, he said.

And he played some more.
Encore. Encore.

And some more Bengali songs, mostly poems by the great Tagore.
And a “Coffeehouse”song, which Deep said, was some sort of classic.

Encore. Encore.

After a week or so, I felt light.

And slumped on to my bed.

Feb 25^th

Avinash will leave tomorrow. Had gone to his room with Thomas and Ram.

I wish him all the very best.

So, see you when I see you next.


- r a m z